People using sex machines

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Either they are comedic geniuses, or they are suffering from sitcom levels of obliviousness. If Amazon reviews are indicative of the sex machine community at large, those are exactly the type of people you want around if you ever need to escape a hostage situation with only two paperclips and an apple corer. I don't want to speak for everyone reading this, but spending an hour greasing pistons and tightening bolts when you're ready to have sex right now sounds infinitely more frustrating than just finding a willing human to slap against. Most of these people sound like they could put a car engine together blindfolded. Don't make me do this again. For a group of people who have no problem hiking up their metaphorical skirts and exposing all of their deepest crotch secrets to Internet strangers, they sure are bashful about divulging their relationship status. And it's not just their knowledge of mechanics that's impressive.

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But don't actually touch it.

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The poor tool purists try their hardest to ignore the sex toy reviews, like they're hoping that if no one says anything, the perverts might all just dissolve into the ether like a fart. Soren is a Senior Writer for Cracked. Always on the go but can't get enough of Cracked? Now look at the related items section:. Call me prudish, but I will never be able to give you what you want, because we walk different sexual paths, you and I.

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Comments

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